Simply Irene

Hi friends, it’s Irene. Your Gen Xer from New York City, back again with some thoughts. And today… yeah, I’ve got some strong ones.

This might ruffle a few feathers. I’m okay with that. Not everything worth saying is going to be comfortable to hear. Lately I’ve been scrolling through TikTok and Instagram, and what I’m seeing from some parents, especially mothers, is honestly disturbing. So we’re going to talk about it.

We’re going to talk about behaviors that, in my opinion, make you a bad parent.

If that hits a nerve, sit with it. Or scroll on. Either way, I said what I said.

Stop Hitting Your Kids for Being Kids

Let’s start with the one that always gets people fired up. Putting your hands on your child for every little thing.

Listen, I understand that spanking has been normalized in a lot of communities. I’ve lived it. I know the culture around it. But here’s what I don’t understand. How do you feel justified hitting someone who literally cannot defend themselves?

Children are learning. They are testing boundaries. They are figuring out how the world works. That is their job. So why are you responding to normal childhood behavior with violence?

Talking back? Kids do that. Every single one. That’s not a reason to hit them. That’s a reason to teach them how to communicate respectfully. And guess how they learn that? By watching you.

You can’t demand respect while modeling disrespect. It doesn’t work like that.

If your first instinct is to hit, what you are teaching is fear, not respect. You are teaching that anger equals violence. And then people act shocked when that same child becomes aggressive later on.

You cannot plant one seed and expect a completely different outcome.

And to be clear, discipline matters. But there is a difference between discipline and taking your frustration out on a child. If your reaction is rooted in anger, that is something you need to address.

If You Don’t Trust Them Around Your Child, Why Are They There?

This one really bothers me.

If you are making your child change clothes because a certain man is coming over, we need to talk.

Your daughter can wear a t-shirt and shorts outside, go to the park, live her life. But suddenly a specific man is entering your home and now she needs to cover up more?

Why?

Because that means you do not fully trust that man around your child. And if that is the case, why is he in your life at all?

Your child should never have to adjust her comfort or her clothing to accommodate a grown man’s presence.

Protection is your responsibility. Not policing your child’s body. If someone cannot be trusted, they should not have access. Period.

You Can’t Raise a Child You Don’t Actually Know

Too many parents live with their kids but don’t truly know them.

You provide food. You make sure they get to school. You handle the basics. But do you know who they are?

Do you know what scares them? What excites them? What they’re dealing with when they’re not in front of you?

A lot of parents listen just long enough to respond. They don’t listen to understand. And there is a huge difference.

Connection requires effort. It requires time. It requires putting your ego aside and actually seeing your child as a full human being.

If you don’t know your child, you can’t guide them. And then people are surprised when things go left. That didn’t happen overnight. That started with a lack of communication.

Respect Starts With You

Let’s talk about respect, because this one is big.

If you are not teaching your child respect for themselves and for others, you are setting them up to struggle.

And respect is not just something you demand. It’s something you model.

Calling your child out of their name, speaking to them with disrespect, tearing them down, then expecting them to grow into confident, respectful adults? That doesn’t add up.

If you don’t respect your child, how do you expect them to respect themselves?

And how do you expect them to respect anyone else?

Respect shows up in how you speak, how you correct, how you handle conflict. Kids absorb all of it.

If You Can Help, Help

This last one is for a smaller group, but it still needs to be said.

If you have the financial ability to help your child with college and you choose not to, you need to rethink that.

I’m not talking about people who genuinely cannot afford it. That’s a different situation. I’m talking about people who can help and simply choose not to.

Your responsibility does not end the moment your child turns eighteen. If you have the means to set them up for a better start, why wouldn’t you?

Why would you allow them to take on massive debt if you can prevent it?

I’ve lived this. My daughter got into a great school. Expensive, yes, but she earned a scholarship. We still had to contribute, and we did. Because that’s what you do when you can.

You invest in your child’s future.

Final Thoughts

Parenting is not about control. It’s about guidance. It’s about protection. It’s about preparing another human being to move through the world in a healthy, confident way.

And a lot of what I’m seeing right now misses that completely.

This was a tough conversation. Not everyone is going to agree, and that’s okay.

But if even one person pauses, reflects, and chooses to do better, then it was worth saying.

I’ll catch you in the next one.

– Irene